Crash and Burn

Last Friday…

I am pouring myself a drink in Special K’s kitchen. The glass is two-thirds full of Appleton Rum and I feel it could be stiffer still, I fill it pretty much too the top, and splash it with some coke. I take a sip, feeling a warmth spread through my chest. I smile contemplating how much I love rum.

I am enamored with my reflection. I keep staring at myself in the sliding glass doors that lead to the balcony, admiring how the jeans I am wearing make my rear-end look. I keep singing this line from some Missy song, “I’m really, really hot, radio won’t let me stop…”.

I feel that maybe I am getting too drunk, as I am a bit too animated when I am talking, and I am not sure that I am making sense. I figure that the e I will drop in a few minutes will negate the effects of all the booze I have consumed.

Me and my entourage walk into Besharam – this gay Indian jam – and I turn to Trini Gyal and exclaim, “oh yeah, I love that my e is kicking in right when I walk in.”

The coat-check line is way too long for me, and I feel that I need more booze right now. I give one of the girls in my crew my jacket and walk over to the bar. I figure I might as well start double fisting, and order two beers. I can’t seem to drink one without spilling the other all over my shirt.

….I am dancing and my left-knee is betraying me and won’t seem too support me, I clutch tightly on too Trini Gyal to prevent a fall. Cutie Bum comes in and supports us both and prevents a big wipe-out….

…The club has gotten ridden of the risers they had before. I access the big speaker next to me and feel that I can get on top of it and release my inner go-go boy. I get on top and realize this is impossible. I get down, and wonder why I haven’t gotten kicked out yet…

…I am dancing like an insane person, going crazy, moving ten-times to fast to the beat…

…I see gossipy bitches I recognize from the scene around me. People who have nothing better to do, than to chat 'bout next person’s business. I keep giving them all dirty looks, and hold my head high with some imagined pride…

…I am standing outside with my jacket on for some reason. I don't remember comming outside, I figure I must have wanted some fresh air. I can still hear strains of Indian music coming from the club. I decide I have had enough fresh air, and want to go back inside. This big black lesbian bouncer stops me and says, “you are not going back inside, after what you did.”

I turn my head side-ways to her, with a look of utter shock, and in a child-like voice say, “what did I do?” She just shakes her head. “But my friends are inside,” I protest. I feel this is a good enough reason for me to go back in.

“You are not going back in tonight.” I don’t believe this is the final word on the matter, and try a few more times to enter back into the club. Prince who was nice enough to come outside and keep me company, is laughing at me.

The entourage comes out, and Special K launches into a rant right away.

“You were a fucking asshole tonight, you were acting like a fucking diva bitch, you wouldn’t fucking listen to me…”

“Really?” I look around and the rest of the group is nodding they’re heads in agreement. “Oh, well.” But this isn’t enough to shut her up, and she continues her ranting.

I feel a momentary cringe. I push this feeling away, and say loudly, “oh, fucking well.” I make a big grand brushing away gesture with my right hand as to discard this topic of discussion.

We go back to her place. I take over the sound selection as I am the music Nazi. I am still over animated and am acting way to extra.

Cutie Bum is a dear and drives me and Trini Gyal home. I am falling asleep and seem to wake up right in the nick of time to guide him appropriately. I get out of the car and a sharp pain runs up and down my left leg. I hobble into my house, peel off my clothes and collapse in my bed.

I wake up around eleven a.m. and don’t want to remember what happened the night before, so I close my eyes tightly and go back to sleep. My bodily function force me out of bed around six p.m., I drink three glasses of milk to fill my stomach, as solid food seems impossible to digest. I go back to my room and lie down. Eventually sleep takes over me again. I get up around midnight, my body feels fully charged and won’t permit sleep any more. I take two-sleeping pills and unconsciousness takes over again.