Maybe Next Lifetime

Today we had a pot-luck at work. It was great, the spread was nice and diverse. I love having variety when eating, being able to choose from various items when devouring a meal. We have a special "celebratory" meal at the end of the new hires training period. As a trainer, this was my 8th time in the year partaking in such a meal. This time there was new twist.

One of the girls requested to hold a prayer before commencing eating. She asked for permission from the training manager, and checked with all of us to see if we were not offended by the pre-meal prayer. No one mounted any form of objection. I nodded in general agreement with this novel idea. "I have no problem with that".

I thought that she would say a few words, the "believers" in the group would bow their heads, and we would commence eating. I was startled when she requested that we all join hands. Now the situation was moving from unique to bizarre. I hesitantly join hands with my neighbors. Only one girl out of the group of fifteen or so abstains. I turn to the guy next to me and whisper, "is this a seance?". He ignores my comment. She commences to intone blessings for everyone and the unfortunate. I don't bow my head, instead, keep my head-up with a slightly bemused expression. There's four other guy's at the table who are also from South Asian backgrounds, and they are doing likewise. At one point we South Asians all end up looking at each other at the same time, and we share a private collective smirk. Or, at least that's my interpretation of events.

Later, I am outside having my second cigarette to aid the digestion process. I feel quite sleepy from having stuffed myself fully. The girl who requested the prayer comes out in tote with one of her friends. I am surprised to see them coming out to the smokers pit, as they don't smoke. They are holding in their hand a plate, and heading out towards the street. I put two-in-two together, and am left speechless. "Awww, that's so nice, they are taking food out to the homeless." I say this slowly, haltingly, as I don't fully comprehend what they are doing.

The smokers I am with are all equally confused. We stare at them trail out towards the street silently. I keep thinking, I would never have thought to do that. After our pot-luck we always had excess of food, and we would go around trying to get everyone to finish the food. But never once did the belly's of the unfortunate cross my mind.

I of course would never take food to the resident homeless man on the block where we worked. I did not like him. He was insane looking, and was prone to harassing people if they did not give him money or cigarettes. Many female friends of mine complained that he would make vulgar comments regarding there private parts when they walked by him.

I am talking to Trini Gyal on the phone, and she tells me that she went to see the Pope when he came to town for International World Youth Day. I am surprised at this.

"Yeah, I believe in Spirituality," she says. "I believe in spirits, and shit, I believe that we all believe in one God, or whatever the fuck you want to call it, Allah, Jesus...".

"Brahmin...," I say adding to her list, while nodding on my end of the phone.

"Yeah, but I don't believe in the men, priests, gurus, whatever, who just become so focused on one thing, that they lose sight of everything else, you know?"

"Well, your basically talking about organized religion, right?" I ask. I continue without waiting for confirmation, "Your talking about how religion just becomes a bunch of rules, and people telling you what to do".

She pauses for a beat. "Well, you gotta have some sorta rules. If your going to say you believe in something, then you gotta show that your serious about it. People need some rules and guidelines in their lives, and yeah some of those rules can be arbitrary. But if you wanna show commitment to something, you need structure".

I consider this. It's an argument I haven't considered before. To acknowledge that rules set by religion is arbitrary, but to follow them because you have belief in a greater truth. "Hmmm, I've never thought about it that way before." Trini Gyal continues to expand on her point. And I listen with interest, while still searching for a flaw in her argument.

A light bulb goes off in my head. "I can see how it's easer for you to think that way, but, you had a Hindu upbringing. Hinduism has so much more of an open understanding of the world. I had an Islamic upbringing." I pause to flesh out my argument before continuing. "Islam, Christianity, ... They are all about, do this, don't do this. It's all about heaven or hell. It's like don't drink..."

Trini Gyal giggles, "Yeah we Hindus, we not like that." She chuckles now. "We be like, don't drink, but if you do drink, then don't drink in the next life. We be lax like that." We both break out into laughter. "We get many tries to get it right."

Of all the religions Hinduism & Buddhism make the most sense to me. Their cyclical account of life, the vicious cycle of death and rebirth, seems to stand true next to observation of the world around me. Nature seems to be proof of the constant drama of creation and destruction. I feel I have been here before. I feel my understanding of this world is not just from this life alone, now wither I lived in the past or in the future, these are questions I can't answer, but I still can't shake that feeling of being and "old soul".

I don't think I am going to achieve Nirvana this lifetime. I am to shallow, self-absorbed, and materialistic, to become one with Brahmin. I do try to do good. I lean left in my politics, and will always in theory argue the cause of the less advantaged. But I feel this is maybe my hedonistic incarnation. And maybe next lifetime I can try to do better in terms of working on my soul, going up to the mountain and meditating till I attain enlightenment. Don't you need the ying and the yang? Don't you need the bad to understand the good?