Ganja Flex

So I blog.

I feel comfortable now. It's after work (2:20 a.m.), I have a nice glass of Rum condensing next to me, and I smoked a small little joint. At this moment I am particularly enjoying the sound the glass makes when I pick it up, it's like bangles jingling.

I enjoy being intoxicated. I admit it. I feel that even as a child, I had a fascination with the idea of being "high". I remember being in grade one, sitting cross legged in the library, watching some presentation by a police officer, telling us how bad drugs were. We would watch some movie showing how depraved teens became when under the influence of drugs.

I wondered, what did it feel like? What was the nature of this high? And even though at such a young and tender age, when I had no concept of what a high was, it seemed like some appealing experience. See the result of advertising, "just say no?"

I started doing drugs slightly late. Many of my peers had tried it earlier that me. I started smoking pot, in grade 12. I loved it from the first time. I remember thinking, why hadn't I tried it before?

I don't ever see myself stopping smoking pot. Of course my habits will change. I don't have to smoke it every day. And I can see when I have more serious life responsibilities (i.e. a child) that I my intake would drop radically. My therapist, suggested that I not smoke pot. She asked, "doesn't smoking marijuana cause you to feel paranoid?". She was right, there are times were smoking does cause intense paranoia and anxiety in me. I took her suggestion.

It was a good idea. I had been high literally for three years. I had smoked a joint every single night. My boyfriend confirmed this, as I would usually talk to him while smoking. The break was nice, it lasted maybe three months. I found myself getting high off of being sober. That clarity of mind, not smoking was bringing was refreshing.

I resumed again. But this time with a more varied intake. I could go a few weeks without smoking, and then enjoy a week having a supply. And, I feel now that paranoia was more the high highlighting issues that I had, and that having worked through those issues in therapy, the paranoia is not so bad now.

Why get high? Isn't just being yourself enough? Isn't just the state your in fine? Of course it is, but being high is also an equally enjoyable state. Maybe I do prefer it more. I do have a tendency to romantasize being smacked out. I guess its one of those things that you enjoy - or you don't.

I was going to go on and talk about my relationship with other stimulants I enjoy. But I feel this is post is becoming very long, and probably no one cares how I feel about various drugs. And that this post is just pure self-indulgence. Blogging - is all about self-indulgence I suppose.

Ah well. This will have to do for a first post.

Peace.